Nothing could've prepared me for this pain
This unbearable, blinding pain
and I can't save myself from it
Its making me manacle
Nobody understands
And I can’t breathe
My ribs are bruised
and knees shattered
Clutching at my chest in sorrow
Why did this have to happen to me?
What have I done to offend the universe?
As I scream into the night
like the wolves howling in the distance
The voices return like they once were
Stolen voices, relics given to me
I never truly hear the motion to them,
Just the flowing ache of what isn't
or what is, but never heard
The sleepless nights return with a vengeance
Restlessly dreaming all day
The nightmares have returned with cold sweats
and heavy breathing
The shadows flowed back into my sight
and they hide in the closet
trying to taunt me away from my bed
But the depression never left
My personality split, none brave
I am left crumbling, left to rot from the inside
like wood with termites
I always pleaded with the moon
to keep me pale under her light
I had never been disappointed
Until one night under her beauty
my eyesight had been shot
and I thought I had gone blind
I swore the moon looked red with blood
It wasn’t until then that I knew
that I had been wounded
She warned me, but I didn't listen
I wasn't disappointed, I was sick with wonder
How? I asked her fruitfully
She whispered to me that she sees everything
Then I barrelled,
ending my thoughts like a light
My life ended with grass in my mouth
Blood watering the flowers
The stars shining
The moon singing a lullaby
The trees whispering goodbyes
I listened to them
I romanticized myself
I hoped no one would find my body
I wanted to be absorbed back into mother earth
I wanted my bones to turn to dust
and organs be eaten by the animals
I wanted to contribute something for once
Only now, my body lay in a wooden coffin
Where the wind cannot smell me, only wood and dirt
Where I cannot disintegrate wholly
This isn't what I was meant for
My thoughts finally reach the stars
I meet my builder
my crafter
my creator
They disassemble me and give my parts
to the dying stars
so that maybe they can live a little longer
The only piece of me that remains is my essence
The animals knew I was everywhere
The universe finally knew me
It gave me a pat
and sent me on a path
I dont know where I'm going nor
do I know what I want
But my path will guide me to another life
I'll have new builders, new crafters, new creators
I'll be birthed to new families
I'll be given new lives
But I'll never forgot my life here
And the pain that ravished my heart
